Can you See Me?

From what I understand, Whiteness studies is a strand of critical race theory. Critical race theory was born from critical theory which basically means the study of domination and the praxis of liberation according to Douglas Kelner. In critical race theory, the objective is simple. It centers on the historically marginalized in the United States and how the various structures keep power out from the marganlized. The structures at play pretty much are economic, social, legal, educational, political, and even medical. CRT is based primarily in the lived experience. Typically one must have "gone through" a baptism by fire or what some people call a consciousness raising. In my case, the experience which really changed my life was strangely my experiences with NCSSM. (for more in infomation please see previous posts) It was there where I experienced or better yet where I began to encounter the surreptitious dynamics of power and how powerless I was at the time. What was visible to me then and as well as now, is how whiteness and accessibility go hand in hand. When I first arrived at NCSSM, I was there with a Masters Degree in instructional technology. With a Master's I felt as though that I had some type of equality with whom I though were my colleuges. Ready to discuss theory, infuse technology current curriculum across the disciplines, I quickly humbled by the expectations of the dominant population. Go fetch is pretty much what my tenure resulted in. Go fetch this data projector, go fetch this slide projector, go fetch this, go fetch that. Never while I was there was consulted my ability to be analytical, but more so my physical abilities to support the dominant populous. In the words of my grandfather, for a while I thought I was walking in high cotton. As I grew more and more disenchanted, I realized that the high cotton was nothing more post modern plantation and I was one of the chattel. Despite the fact that I had an advanced degree, in the eyes of many of my White Folk counterparts I was their "boy." The porter. In some way I must have represented an anomaly because I quickly protested my treatment. Here is one example. One day in my office/equipment room I am working on my computer, playing around with Windows 95 and in comes gaulky looking white man who to this day still reminds me of bleaky buzzard. He came in and just took a projector like I wasn't there. I was floored. -- My reaction was direct,
"Excuse me but is there a reason you just walked into my space and stole a piece of equipment and not even say hello." His response was, "I'm in a hurry, I have a class to go to." It's here where I am thinking I'm in a professional setting but I'm not being treated professionally. -- Here was the problem, how do I let him know politely that there are boundaries and that I am not step and fetchit.
I paused and asserted myself minus a Richard Roundtree homage.
"I'm an easy person to get along with but you just can't come into my spot, not even acknowledge my presence and take my stuff."
"It's not your equipment it's the school's equipment."
"But I'm not a piece of equipment. If you want to borrow something or check anything out, you're going to have to go through protocol."
"I don't have time for this, I'm late for my class." in the back of my mind I am thinking, you're about to be late for your next birthday, but again, I chill.
"I don't want to delay you. That said, the equipment stays here."
"I beg your pardon."
"You're just not going to do this. I'm sorry but you are not going to do this, this way." Talk about dynamics of power and privilege. I mean this guy's actions were just straight up rude. Now where I came from, and HBCU, actions like this would get you quickly cussed out. In the backwoods of Palmer Springs, VA it might get you knocked out. But again I maintain, power and lack of power and elitism, Was it because I was black, was it because I was young, or was it because he was white, older, and an established member of the community. Don't know, don't really care. What I do know though is that I was slowly begining to understand what it meant to be invisible. I'm the blackest person in the room, yet I have no image, no shape or form in the eyes of this white man.