Looking for Mr. Goodbar.

Looking for Mr Goodbar  
I don't know to this day what that movie was about. However, during this holiday season, I have heard more than a bellyful of my aunts bellyaching about brothers and how they have now completely divested themselves of dating black men. Being a black man, I was somewhat offended. I came from a black man, he came from a black man, hell I am a black father. So as anyone could tell, I am somewhat vested in the species of black men. Now granted, we do have our faults. I will be the first to admit that. Sometimes we are non committal, we have issues managing our money, employment is not our traveling companion. I buy that.  That said, as I have said before, if you are looking for an instant husband and the man hasn't had the best role models, chances are the sis may come up a little short. If the stats really are true, that there is a crisis of black man, then mathematically there should be a stockpile of Other men for my aunts to date. By Other I mean, native americans, Latinos, Asians, and of course white American men. Now of those I have listed, theoretically, the white American men, coupled with Asian American fall outside of the concept the deviant minority. The word deviant for this discussion represents a subjective meaning, especially from this bloggers POV. Society, be it the media, legal structures, or even smatterings of some lived experiences, have problematized native Americans, Latinos and of course us as some of the dregs. If I were of another planet, well another country, the images and moral panics linked to us would be more than enough to my great grandmother cry. As an African American man, I can only speak from that perspective. Simply put, we catch hell: societal inflected and more times than we'd like, self inflicted. Looking at ourselves, honestly and objectively, we may need to do somethings to re-image ourselves to be more appealing and attractive to our sisters.  One of the things I had to do first was accept the fact that I didn't have the best male models available to me. I accepted that in a non accusatory fashion, and in doing so I had an example of what I wanted to present to my son. If I want my son to grow into a man, then that means I had and still have to lead by example. This meant I had to get creative in seeking examples. I had to seek men in my circle, both black and white and wherever else. Deeper, the question of black masculinity had to be vetted. Did/does being a man mean having a fat pocket money wise? How about a job?  Isn't education supposed to be an equalizer?  These are things I have tried to maintain and achieve but again I have had challenges. If we look at the music and other signifiers of black culture make it plain. Blaxploitation heros from shaft to passenger 57 were sexually endowed, moneyed and had some means of income and operation, legal or illegal. TLC in their hit, No Scrubs made it pretty plain: if you live at home with your momma, if you walking, you are a scrub. Then of course, you got to have a JOB if you want to be with me. These texts can be emasculating if you really think about them.  When they come from a man, it's one thing, but from a sista, thats exponentially worse.  No if we wish to be perceived as men, viable men at that, we cannot allow ourselves to be measured up by hegemonic standards. At the same token, we cannot allow ourselves to surrender to substandard living. No we have to reclaim our masculinity in a manner that does not disabuse our sisters.  
Just my .02 worth. 

Citizens Arrest

Insomnia: never ever have a latte with four shots of espresso at 7:30 am. I am still paying for it. On to the news flash of the day. Yesterday I was at our local mall mentally and physically preparing myself to go into Christmas debt. I was so nervous I had to prepare myself with a lunch of sushi. I had my usual, tuna and salmon, seaweed and I took a risk and tried octopus. That is a tough fish. Almost like eating rubber. To put it down, I had to have a healthy dose of wasabi and soy sauce. Let's say this, whatever sinus congestion I may have had, became non existent. Leaving the mall I got to my truck and I saw something that just didn't look right. This dude, let's say mid 20s came sprinting out of the main mall entrance. I looked this at first saying, ok this is a prank, but then I saw that he had a box with him and he was running solo. Initially like I said, I dismissed it but then the dude started sprinting further in a zig zag direction. This is wrong, I mean something was really fishy here and it wasn't my sushi. So I use my powers of blackness (inviso mode)and follow him in my truck. He goes from the main entrance, still with this box, to the barnes and nobles then bolts back to the parking deck. Still in inviso mode, I call 911 on my hands free phone saying I need mall security as think I've found a shoplifter. I'm still following this cat as he finally makes it to his car where the driver is apparently waiting. I don't know what possessed me but I played the role of the aloof mall shopper alerting the police to my location while giving the car description and the license plate number. Then he gets out of his car, mind he's the passenger, doing an Eminem imitation saying can you move your car. I was like yeah hold just a minute man ok. By this time I put the flashers and he comes back to the truck trying to get a bit more belligerent, I mean trying to talk loud. I was like hold on you stay right here. By this time he goes back to the car pissed and the driver comes out, a 50 plus white woman saying she's his mother, what's the problem. Finally the cops show up and vanilla ice goes to the cop saying this guy is blocking us in. I'm like hold up chief, I'm blocking him in because I saw run from the with some merchandise without a bag. I'm not saying he stole anything, that it just didnt look right. I hope I'm wrong but I did see him go from the mall exit running to the best buy, then running to the barnes and nobles. I'm going till you get some back up. I think dude knew was gig was up when he saw the car and four other officers arrive. The head detective showed up and I told him the same thing. By this time Slim Shady was in cuffs. Strangely I was still saying, I hope this is right because I don't want y'all to put an innocent man into custody. The cop was like, we have the merchandise, we've got him. We're going to question him and we're going to see if anyone is missing merchandise. To me you were on it man, good job.
Why did I do that? It was incredibly brave at the same time a questionable decision. So why did I do it? I think the first reason was because of my little boy. Now I would not have done this were he with me. But I guess because I am a dad of a four year old, this to me I guess if I'm going to preach right and wrong, then I have to walk the path of those who do the morally right thing. I ain't perfect. That's why there's a savior if you believe. But right is right and wrong is wrong. So sometimes when you see wrong, I guess in this case, when nobody was looking, it was my test: do you really know right and wrong? What are you going to do when confronted with the challenge? So maybe while no one was watching, especially in matters of my safety, God was watching and pretty blessed me with good sense to stay in my truck, be coherent and control the situation. I think the second reason that motivated me to act was, damn man, this is my mall and it's Christmas. I've been going to this mall since 1978 and I bring my son here now. When you steal from my mall, you steal from me. When you act stupid at my mall running like that, you disrupt the flow of my mall where I take my son. You just ain't going to take my holiday spirit and damned if you going to do that at my spot. Of course when I got home and realized what I had done, I did have to say a quick thank you Jesus for keeping me safe and in the words of the late Jerry Reed for not letting that crazy son of a bitch hit my truck!!! :-)