For the love of white folks some days... Ok yes I am going to rant, I am going to vent and its my party so I'll vent if i want to. Ok-allow me to set the stage. Without question, the economic situation is really forcing a lot of people, myself included, to really consider some economic cutbacks. I actually did a budget and and for the first time I felt as though i had some idea where my money was going. NOTE To Self: Get committed to your budget! Money and management of said money can do one of two things: give you a good night's sleep or give you a serious case of insomnia. Ok so looking at the dreaded budget I realize I too have to consider some cut backs. An area I felt where I may need to do some trimming of the budget could be in my health club membership. I am currently paying $40.00 per month where I currently workout. Not bad when you have a good stream of income. Hence, why I am looking for a way to cut back. A colleague told me of a place called Planet Fitness where the memberships are like $10.00 per month. OK that's not a bad deal. I am or at least was considering joining until I met the membership director and he began to explain the Planet Fitness code of conduct. Their philosophy is that they are the gym which celebrates a no judgement zone. Ok so the membership director, gave me tour of the facility. It was a rather large facility that really had no frills. There were plenty of treadmills, stair masters, circuit stations et al.. There were also tons of free weights. OK so this really seemed like an incredible deal until I heard a siren go off. My first words were, "What the hell was that?" The gentlemen told me it was their lunk alarm. The explanation offered was this: Planet Fitness is a facility that caters to people who are really just getting initiated into fitness. The rules are this, no grunting, no swearing, no dropping weights, no jeans, no du-rags, no skull caps, no bandanas no boots no open toe shoes. As I am listening to all these nos in their dress code, in my mind the picture is becoming pretty clear, no thugs, niggras's, latinos, or gang members, ex felons allowed. Admiditly a part of me is being sarcastic but you know as I was listening to this person, I really had to start questioning why would I belong to a gym that to me has some rather racist overtones. Here is the one thing that had me cracking up in the car. They have certain categories of membership. The best membership is called "The Black Membership." With a black membership you can bring a guest and with a token-yes I said token, you can sit for five minutes in their massage chair and of course get all the tanning you want . A word of advice to my blue eyed soul brothers and sisters. If you are going to sell premium membership packages to black people, try hard not to use words like black and token in the same sentence, and for god sakes please please please, don't offer tanning booths to African Americans as a perk!!!! Why in the hell would I, who already is milk chocolate brown want to spend time in tanning booth? As a black member you can get a token!!! Is it me or was I just called a Niggra in a politically correct tone. A we are listening to this guy, I am trying hard not to throw the race cards at him, but trust me, in mind he was about to get unanimously elected for a grade A ass-whipping he was campaigning for. But instead, I chilled, because I you don't get to be 39 trying to solve every racial conundrum in the world. Instead, I hit him with logic.. I asked, "Could you please tell me how many members of your staff are CPR certified?" His reaction --I might be projecting here-- was a bit different. Apparently he may have felt that a man jeans, with dreadlocks, could not articulate a relevant question. "Ah, thats something we are working on. We are trying to get at least one person per shift who is CPR certified." Ok, he dogged that one like an oil slick. Again, more concerned about safety issues, I asked "Can you tell me if you have an AED?" Again I was astonished by his reaction, "AED, I'm not sure what that is." Whooo! Ok now I know you've lost a potential member. "That's an Automatic External Defibrillator, you know when people have heart attacks."
"Oh yeah, no we don't have one of those." Maybe it's their way of cutting costs to keep membership high. Alright lets sum up the parts here: 1. No Niggras Allowed. 2. No Niggra behavior will be tolerated. 3. In the event we catch you acting like a niggra, we will sound the Niggra alarm to let you know you are in Niggra mode. 4. Niggra wear is strictly prohibited, including bandanas, du-rags, skull caps, jeans and timbs. 5. If in the event your Niggra ass drops dead from sudden cardiac arrest, there is a good chance you may not survive because the personnel aren't CPR trained and they don't have an AED. In essence, you are on your own. I have a cousin, named Rabbit. I remember when he had a pool party one summer. He clearly stated you swim at your own risk. If you drown, I'm going to do all I can. That's go in the house, get the bible and give you last rights cause I am not going to try and save your ass. I could appreciate that because he was at least up front about it. I can't swim, I got this pool for status to match my white neighbors. If you drown, well man was born to die. At least with that type of brutal honesty, the expectation is clear. You can act a fool in the water all you want to, but I'm not going to drown trying to save your dumbass. If i cant get you with this pole, oh well. I think what I am having trouble negotiating is the fact were I to join this gym, as a member there are certain expectations and obligations that I would just think are common rules. If not for legality sake, certainly for the social contract sake of being considered human. We are the no frills gym that is dedicated to saving you money but not saving your human dignity or your life. Welcome to Planet Fitness.
No comments:
Post a Comment