Relapse: Back to Zero

If my boy David Hassellhoff can relapse and bounce back, so can I
Shit, I have had a bad moment. A lapse of judgment. Now I have to go back to zero. I am so not vibing with my co-parent right now, which probably explains why we have chosen to re-define the terms of our relationship. What’s even worse is that this person still has a certain control over me, which I shouldn’t allow to happen. I mean right now I am PTFO, if you have to ask then you are too young to guess what those letters mean. I think what just has me upset is our most recent exchange. I try to establish boundaries, she gets pithy, I give an inch, this one takes an entire continent and asks like Steve Urkel, “Did I do that?” I think during the course of our marriage if I had responded back once or twice with a “WTF do you think you did!” “Oh it wasn’t you, it was the fairy blanking godmother.” Again, I was raised differently. I have always been taught to give people the benefit of the doubt. It’s not giving in, it’s working to make things calm and peaceable. Calm and peaceable my BLANK. I feel like the late Heath Ledger’s Joker, “What we need is a little anarchy.” I think what also has me disjointed is as I am emerging from my funk, I have become more upset at the crap I went through. This one put me and my family on a rollercoaster ride worse than anything at a sin filled city amusement park. It was the one way ticket to the other side, it was the Dr. Jeckle and the Mr. Frickin Hyde. One of my friends asked me the other day would I ever consider marriage ever again. I think the way I am feeling right now, I’d rather take the Gene Simmons approach; just buy her a damn house. It’s the same thing with less pain. Just cut the check every month, give her the deed and scram! Now I can change, as my late Grandfather would say, but right now, that’s the way I feel today. What has me agitated the most, is that we have a child. He didn’t ask to come into this world so why is it because we aren’t vibing he has to suffer. That’s not right. Again for the best interest of the child. God bless the child who’s got his own. I must have loved this person pretty damn much because I feel like Kellis. I think too, when the families got in the mix, especially when this one’s brother inserted themselves in our family business, I took the high road, and didn’t say BLANK. I chilled, I even thanked him for his service to our country. But to be abandoned, not once but twice. To be lied on, not once, not twice, but three times by this particular lady, OMFG I’m now invoking the damn Commodores. You know you are beyond upset when you start making Lionel Ritchie say what YOU want him to say. Saved by Red Chief. As I was spouting out venom, its almost like God sent him into the room. Its amazing how our boy can calm me down. I look at him and I see myself and I see him and I say, he’s worth it. I’ve got to chill. I can’t let this person reduce me to less than being a person, less than being myself. This person isn’t worth that anymore. So I’m going to calm down, apologize to his mother because I know, she probably too has been going through some things. I can’t even pretend to ride the little red pony of righteousness. Thank God, and even his mother for Red Chief. Lets see, how many days since the last moment. Lets see, I think 30. Alright, I am going to count for real this time.