Being a Dad

There are moments where I could let the worst of my situation just get the best of me. But to kiss my son good night and have him tell me he loves me puts everything in perspective. Right now I am watching him do what used to do, he's in his bed playing with one of his favoriate toys. Actually he got it when he went to the circus with his grand parrents. Looking at him and seeing him grow up and listening to his expanded vocabulary is well it's a real rush. I see him with his eyes wide open while I in contrast live with my eyes wide shut. Being a dad, particullary under the present dynamic has it challenges. There are some well many days I find myself waking up with fear. Am I doing this parenting job right. Am I a good model for him? Will his needs be met? I was told by one of the shrinks I see that apparently this is the cross I have to carry. Not only do I have to be a dad, I have to be a single dad. See in my case and I am sure with other brothers who may read my superflous ode to BS somedays, they too didn't have the model of dad in the house. I mean as there was the Cosby Show which provided examples of the model two parrent household. But rarely was there an example for the single parrent household. For some reason it was seen as taboo. Tv regretably perhaps is an agent of social construction. People look to it for idendity-shapping what have you. I kinda now wish there was a show that provided a blueprint for bow to raise an African American boy by a single African American dad. As much as I liked Sanford and Son you never saw the father/son development over the years. How am I going to do this-be
a model dad to my son? I am so nervous because the consequences for failue are eponentially high. If I wasn't before I am now: standing in the need of prayer.