What I had to say to Nightline

http://blogs.abcnews.com/nightlinedailyline/2010/03/single-black-female-nightline-faceoff-set.html
my response
If I may, I am going to say something that may be provocative but at the same time needs to be said. There are good brothers out here, and at the risk of being presumptuous I am admittedly one of them. I am finishing my Ph.D. and am looking for a job that allows me to make good coin for me and my son (my wife and I are in the midst of a separation) while also providing me a sense of dignity. That said--in many cases when sisters (high maintenance sisters included) have a good man, they don't know what to do with them. In some cases (at least mine) my wife was among the same category of these women-- Ph.D. in Educational Psychology, working at a university making good coin. Long story short, in my case, I considered myself a work in progress; however, lack of patience and lack of vision and lack of focus pretty much caused tensions. I share all that to say our that our "high maintenance" really need a dose of reality and need to stop thinking about their biological clocks and look at brothers not as ATMS, or sperm banks. Relationships particularly with non-predatory brothers, take time, energy, and a sense of humility and love. I think it really is a part of our Gen X phenomena-- everything must be provided in an instant. Also, I think it is important to mention this piece was a bit class biased. From looking at it for the first time, no one really challenged the women on the issue of materialism, fashion (including their hair) or even the process of getting to where they are presently. I think it is a safe assumption to say that these sisters represent outliers to a great degree. It would be nice to be in committed relationship with a woman who is prosecuting attorney who also is a cheerleader for a national football team who owns her own house and Mercedes. Again at the risk of sounding cynical, this piece really wreaks of girls who appear to be materialistic and to some degree, controlling in their relationships. Not knowing any of these sisters, at all, I think their values appear to be skewed and in essence they may represent are the source of their own problem. It would have been interesting to hear what their lists include: at the risk of projecting, I'll share what appear to be the top 5.
1) be single
2) be employed
3) no children
4) have a professional degree
5) be easy on the eyes--which translates into being "good looking."
Number one would be a no brainer. But after that, choosey sisters in this case are really choosing Jiff.
We are in a recession and the job market is tighter than shoes two sizes too small. Brothers may be going back to school, the brother may be laid off who knows. In some cases brothers are underemployed in to be honest, at the risk of having my "man card" suspended, unemployment or even underemployment can really impune ones psychic sense of masculinity.
Children, why should children automatically be a deal breaker? That to me would be a good barometer for the sisters to look at. What is the relationship like with his child(ren). Does he have a good support system to help with his children. What is the relationship like with the mother of his children? These are excellent indicators of parenting potential.
Professional degree-- dollar signs. If I am a lawyer, and he is an MD, we can make a lot of money and we can have our children and we can send them to the best schools. This to me represents a clear cut case of too much Cosby Show reruns. I loved that show but I also have to say I have a love hate relationship with it. On the surface, it pointed to the black upper middle class. As program it was meritorious as an outstanding achievement in black television. However, as an agent of social construction, it crippled the black community. The show was a social construction in the age or Reganomics where greed and materialism was en vogue... Now the chickens have come home to roost, but their brand or rooster is hard to find. Ergo the sisters are in a dilemma? No the sisters are at "Fantasy Island." In essence they are by choice passing on potentially good fruit because they want their appetite feed instantaneously.
Easy on the eyes. At the risk of being put on the margins, I think President Obama got elected because he represents the exotic ideal-he is bi-racial. Denzel, easy on the eyes. Will Smith, easy on the eyes. Not every bother is going to be eye candy. Some brothers like myself are "mild" and not a hypersexualized, hypermasculinzed, black buck. I was the nerd in school, the geek who was in the AP classes, who had to when he got to college, let the availability of girls go to my head. This of course lead to academic probation. But even then, I wasn't the typical pretty boy or captain of the football team-- I was strictly average. These sisters don't want that. They want the ideal, hence why they style themselves a certain way. Straight hair, be it their own, or synthetic, bodies which are synthetic and or synthetic. Why, so they can be attractive the same type. I'm sorry but that's how I view this piece.
R2