My nephew-- he just turned 18 and thinks he knows everything..... Ok we all thought that when we were 18 but still on the verge of 40 just watching it completely all over again gives me more respect for my parent. He's got a decent GPA like a 2.8 to 3.0 I think. But here comes the rub, the SAT. Now when he got his results back he was saying he had a 1400. We were all like YEA! But for some reason the colleges he applied to were just flat out saying no or re take you SAT. This is a classic lesson of hard head makes for soft behind. He didn't understand that they only take the reading and math portion of the test, not the writing sample too seriously thus knocking his score down to possibly the lowest in family history. No one got the point of this until like February when most schools are in the phase of making their initial decisions for entrance. Now he is complaining because he just turned 18, its spring break weekend and he cannot understand why his mother won't let him go to the beach. I mean he really made some appeals to various members of the family including myself. I was like hell, go, not too much you can do right now but his mom has like got him in the torture rack for the entire spring break and he doesn't know why. I broke the news to him as best as I could on Friday. I got good news and bad news for you. The good news is that your mother is flexible about you going to the beach. The bad news is that you have to get into a college before you go. Sucks right? Here is how one fixes it so he cannot get into college.
1) Get bad grades. Be mediocre at best. When you have homework, it's nothing but a doge to keep you from playing the latest video game.
2) Be as misinformed and disengaged as possible. Guidance counselors are there strictly to analyze your behavioral problems-not to help you navigate the college entrance process. When college day arrives on your high school campus, just use it as a senior skip day.
3) When your parents buy you SAT prep books for the holidays, use them as paperweights. The words they have inside them are meaningless and by all accounts are nothing more than attempts to force you to speak "white." Who needs to know words like acute or loquacious. The only time you might see these words would be on Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune.
4) Stay away from the library. The library is nothing more than the Legion of Doom. If you do go to the library, stay away from books because they are kryptonite. Now the audio visuals are allowable provided they are theoretical motion pictures and not informative videos like Nova, or Eyes on the Prize.
5) Avoid the following classes like H1N1-- Algebra1, 2, 3 Geometry, Trigonometry, Pre-Calculus, Honors English, History Chemistry, Physics, or Applied Sciences. Instead, take classes like Clay, Wrestling, Brawling.
6) Deadlines--deadlines are just time wasters. Don't worry about deadlines. Fill out all applications when you get good and damn ready. This includes the FASA, oh hell, why even bother with FASA.
7) Extra curricular activities-- you don't need em. Again, they just take up too much time. If you have an extra curricular activity allow it to be football, basketball, or track. In fact, when you fill out your college application (if you get around to it) say you are going to major in football.
8) References-- get the most benign references you can find. A good start would be the teacher who doesn't know you from a hole in the wall. Another good reference could be one of your running partners, you know, your homeboy. He could be pretty good, And lastly, go to your pastor, who in all probability didn't go to the college you were hopping to get into.
9) Be a stand out. Be as disruptive in your classes as possible. Every class needs someone to be the center of attention, so why not let it be you. Go ahead, speak out when you don't know the answer. Make comments unrelated to the class discussion. It never hurts to be an over achiever. Get put out of class once or twice. Hell why stop with class, get put out of school for a couple of weeks. Now that's how you make a name for yourself.
10) Contribute to Gene Pool: Go get a few girls pregnant. This the foolproof way to end any hope of going to college for at least 18 years. If you have two, you've won the bonus round because now 18 becomes 36 years.
Money back guarantee if none of these tactics work.
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