There are two words we as African American men need to learn. These two words would lead to less heart disease, stroke, cancer, hypertension and a few other maladies which are know to strike us brothers down in way before our time. "I'm sorry." Those two words are like the the instant get out of jail card free card when used in all earnest. My godbrother and I were talking about our marriages and of course eery marriage has its unique set of challenges. In his case, the latest drama, which he admitted to, was brought on by him coming home late with the 2.5 children. As he shared more of the story with me, I had to laugh because in my world his problems are minimal in comparison to mine. Anyhow, as he was sharing what happened, I had to ask him, "What did you say, after she blew your world up? " Nothing, I just took it and went downstairs to the basement (aka the man cave) cracked open a beer and played video games for about two hours. No where did he say, "I'm sorry." From the outside looking in, I tried preach to him as best as I could. "Dude, next time to cut to the chase, just say I'm sorry." I had to consult with one of my members of my cabinet to understand power a simple "I'm sorry." can have on a cacophony. "I'm sorry," quashes it. The I'm sorry has to be somewhat sincere. I mean it doesn't have to be a Will Smith dramatic production. Just concede let it go and keep it moving. I witnessed first hand how one of my African brothers slipped on a verbal banana peel. As he was running his lip, the wrong words just kept coming out his mouth while his size 12 feet kept going in, side ways. I kinda knew he was on a oil slicked slippery slope when the head female in charge of his estate shot some looks at him that could kill. In hindsight and again as the third person looking in, to me the issue was miniscule, but not to her, and see, I could leave where as he was a captive audience. Then I just heard a real honest sincere "I'm sorry." Boom, like that, it was like trump card in a spades game. The issue was nullified, at least while I was there. I don't know what happened when I left, but I assume all is well being that this took place years ago.
On the other hand another one of my friends just had his whole world blown up, I mean completely crushed like a big building in Justice League Unlimited. His scenario was a little different. There are three things a man never leaves behind.
1. You never leave a man behind.
2. You never leave incriminating evidence behind.
3. You never leave your child behind.
He broke rule number 2. He wasn't cheating, let me say that from the gate. At the same time, you don't throw out signals that would suggest you are cheating. That said, he and his first lady share the same cell phone plan and the same bucket of minutes. It just happened one day, the head female in charge of his estate got to the bill before he did. There appeared to be a list of calls and text messages that left behind the face of incriminating evidence. As I am listening to the drama unfold, I am thinking OMG, this dog house isn't big enough for two of us. I am trying to get my damn self out and this one is begging to become a lifetime member. Needless to say, he didn't use his get out of jail card and thus he was pulling some serious sofa duty. It didn't help him any with the John Edwards fall out taking place around the same time. See had he said I'm sorry, his sofa time would have been cut drastically in half.
From my conversation with my GodBrother, we left chanting our mantra from the late Michael Jackson..
"You can't win, You can't break even, and you can't get out of the game."
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