Recovery III: Learning again how to walk

Baby steps. Where do we begin? I think today, with baby steps I have to go back to some degree. I'm thinking with baby steps man has to first learn how to crawl, then stand up then, walk. The walk turns into a trot, the trot turns into a jog, the jog turns into a run and run turns into a sprint. That pretty much I guess is what I'm having to learn how to do all over again. Learning how to again be independent.  I'm getting my life back so to speak.  Figuratively speaking, I have to learn how to walk all over again.  I have to retrain and focus bits my pragmatic life back to baby steps. In my academic life Ive made tremendous strides yet in my pragmatic life, I have to get back to basics. It's so weird yet true. I've really taken for granted the luxuries I've had, like cutlary. Last night, I had food, but I had to eat it without a knife and fork. That's pretty humiliating stuff. I may have to get a job just doing something even if if it's not in my feild. This is humbeling but it's also hustle time. The first thing I have to do is get some income so I can get food. Communications I have to get back online.   I'm in the apartment by myself and sometimes it's scary, but then again that's a blessing of itself. I can't be mad. I have to accept it and move forward. I think the person i have to make sure that i can sustain it. That's  the first hurdle, make sure that the rent is paid on time. Make sure the car payment is paid on time and the insurance is paid on time. I think it's in the series of tests and everything is just going to build upon one success after another. I have to take one step at a time. Capitalize off of each success. It's not to be easy. In fact it's pretty damn scary. I am really beginning to wonder about my relationship with the Creator. I know that the Creator is looking out for me. But just reflecting, pondering, I wonder how why I am being tested like this. Hell I really don't  have time to wonder. I only have time to make things happen, to act while others just talk. We are not here to dream or drift, I have much work to do and heavy loads to lift.